I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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