I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
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Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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