im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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