That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
