wat bout pragnant strippers??
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
