your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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