She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
