thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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