She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The adults are the big ones right?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
