Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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