Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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