Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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