One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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