just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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