Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
