69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
