he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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