dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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