I wish my penis had an off switch
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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