You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
