I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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