so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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