Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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