i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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