Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
