I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
