Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
