Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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