I must be too annoying 4 u.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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