Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
