"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
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I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
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Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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