we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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