i just sent this text using only my big toe
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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