Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
