I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
