through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I think I sprained my soul last night
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
