I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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