Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
