im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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