you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so that wasnt chicken after all
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
