I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
