i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
