what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
