; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
