Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
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You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The feeling are messing with the penis
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Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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