I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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