Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
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I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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