So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
