I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
