She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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