some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I need to stop coming to work sober
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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