you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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