Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
