i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize