I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
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i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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