Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
