I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
