do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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