Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
