Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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