his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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