four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
