Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
