Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
