Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Found the puke drawer
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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