Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
