Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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