I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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