We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole