My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music