Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
My thoughts exactly.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just wanna be euthanized