Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes