Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me