i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.