It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She bit a glass in half.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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