The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I lost the right to judge tonight
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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