Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
