I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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