Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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